Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh has been getting a lot of PT lately over his comments about President Obama. Now, I have been aware of Rush Limbaugh for many years, mostly for his outrageous comments that landed him on Keith Obermann's Worst Persons segment or The Daily Show. But I had never taken the time to find out who Rush Limbaugh really was. Here is a man who has risen to the top of the Republican Party and may well be the next president of the United States (45 if you will) and all I know about him is that he has a talk radio show someplace. As an Independent, who has voted for a Republican a time or two in his life, I needed to do some research to find out just how this remarkable man had risen to such heights.
First, I researched his early years. I found that he was born in Cape Girardeau, Missouri in 1951. He came from a prominent family of well respected lawyers, including a federal judge, a State Supreme Court judge, and a member of Missouri's House of Representatives. In fact, the Federal Courthouse in Cape Girardeau is named for Limbaugh's grandfather. His family had a long tradition of public service.
By now, I was curious to find out which prestigious law school Little Little Rush (he was the Third, after all, so his father would be Little Rush) would chose to attend. With such pedigree, he surely had his pick. Would it be Yale? Harvard? Stanford? or even Columbia (Missouri, that is) ? The answer was "None of the Above". His surprise selection was Southeast Missouri State University, right there in dear old Cape Girardeau, near Mommy and Daddy.
I didn't know much about Southeast Missouri State, so I went to their web site to find out about their law school. No such luck. Apparently, they don't have a law school. They have a pre-law undergraduate program, but no law school. Maybe they dropped it after he graduated or something. So I went to their page that touts distinguished alumni. Certainly a distinguished alumni such as Rush Limbaugh would be at the top of their list. Again, no such luck. Not a word about Rush Limbaugh on the entire web site.
So I did a google for Rush's higher education and ran across an unauthorized biography of Rush by Paul Colford (which you can buy from Amazon for $.01) which quoted Rush's mother as saying that Rush dropped out of college after two semesters and one summer. According to his mother, he flunked everything he took, including modern ballroom dancing. So much for carrying on the family tradition.
So now that his dream of being a distinguished lawyer and public servant has been given a setback, what is a fine patriotic 19 year old to do in 1970? If he can't serve his country through public service, he certainly would serve his country by enlisting in the Army and proudly serving in Vietnam, wouldn't he? After all, wasn't he once quoted as saying "If you talk to a real soldier, they are proud to serve. They want to be over in Iraq. They understand their sacrifice, and they're willing to sacrifice for their country." So I tried to do some research on Rush's military service. Again, none to be found. It turns out that Rush was classified as 1-Y by his draft board . This meant that Rush was qualified to serve only in time of war or national emergency (apparently Vietnam did not qualify as a war, much to my amazement since I served in Nam. It sure looked like a war, it smelled like a war, and it certainly felt like a war. I guess it was just a duck). Back then, people classified 1-Y were the people drafted after everyone classified 1-A was dead. At least I think that is the definition of a national emergency.
But why would his draft board refuse to let this fine patriotic boy fight for his country? What possible ailment could keep young Rush from fulfilling his dream of serving his country? He had a "pilonidal cyst." I will let you do your own research as to what a pilonidal cyst is, but suffice it to say that this condition goes a long way in answering a lot of unanswered questions about Rush's personality. In fact, this condition should be renamed in Rush's honor.
So Rush joins a long list of distinguished Republicans that were foiled in their attempts to serve their country during the Vietnam war ( excuse me, the Vietnam duck). Men like Dick Cheney, Newt Gringrich, Pat Buchannon, Jack Kemp and Ken Starr. A virtual who's who of the Republican Party. Men who cheered our soldiers on from afar. Men who stood behind (literally) our men no matter where in the world they were sent to defend our freedom.
So Rush is now left with only one option to serve his country. He makes the ultimate sacrifice for his country by becoming - a disc jockey. And not a very good one, by some reports. He was so bad that he was forced to use assumed identities on air.
But eventually he found his true calling - talk radio. It was the perfect vocation for him. He could say what he wanted, whether it was true or not. He never had to confront anyone face to face. He could pre-screen all callers so that only people who agree with him make it on air. And on top of that, he makes over $30 million a year. All that while sitting on his pilonidal cyst for three hours a day. What's not to like about that?
So now I have a clearer picture of the man that would be the savior of the Republican Party. He is a college dropout who never served a day in the military, never ran for public office, believes in the sanctity of marriage as long as divorce remains a viable option, and never ventures outside his radio studio. Sounds like the perfect man to lead Lincoln's party out of the desert to me.

Sen. Ensign's Education

Senator John Ensign, R-Nev., showed the value of a Nevada high school education yesterday when he underestimated the cost of his proposed low-rate mortgage plan by at least $700 billion. If there was ever a perfect argument for increasing funding for education in Nevada, this is it. When a US Senator and his presumably Nevada educated staff can't do the math on his own bill, something needs to be done. And missing the mark by 70% is assuming that Sen, Charles Schumer, D-NY, is any better at math. If you use the numbers attributed to Sen. Ensign of 40 million homeowners saving $400 a month for the next 30 years, my Iowa education comes up with $192 billion per year, or $5.76 trillion over the 30 years. And this does not include the hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees and closing costs that the banks will receive for each mortgage that is rewritten.
On top of this, Sen. Ensign always seems to be behind the curve. Last Fall, when everyone else was trying to pass a housing bill, Ensign was against it. Now, when the focus has moved to a stimulus bill, Ensign is now pushing a housing bill. It's tough to lead when you are constantly trying to catch up.
What Sen. Ensign and other GOP leaders need to recognize is that the American people are not interested in which party is the party of housing or the party of tax relief or the party of spending. We are interested only in people who will find solutions to the problems we are facing and work together to implement those solutions. We need leaders who will check their egos and their labels at the door of Congress and do what is right for the country. And this goes for Democrats as well.

VP Transition Plan

Vice president Dick Chaney announced today that he would be staying on as vice president for at least one more year in order to facilitate a smooth transition of power to President-elect Obama. Mr. Chaney stated that it would be impossible to bring the President-elect up to speed on all the enhanced interrogation techniques and secret rendition locations by January 20th. And there is also all the domestic wiretapping that needs to be explained. But Mr. Chaney said that most of his time would be spent cleaning up the two wars that only he and the CIA know about and making sure pardons are issued for everyone in the Bush Administration, including himself.
The Vice president said sharing office space with Vice president-elect Joe Biden would not be an issue since he would be spending most of his time at an undisclosed location.
President-elect Obama could not be reached for comment.

My Hotdog Business

As I write this, I am on my way to Washington. As a retired person, I have seen my life savings cut in half in just a few months. Therefore, I decided to start my own business selling hot dogs for $100 each. But the recession has really hurt my business lately. No body wants to buy my $100 hotdogs. Now, I know that $100 is a lot to pay for a hotdog, but these are two pound hotdogs. My market research found that there are people who are willing to pay $100 for a large juicy two pound hotdog. I have to charge $100 because I am paying myself $500,000 a year (pretty reasonable for a CEO of a corporation) and I pay my son and daughter $75 an hour (including benefits) to work for me.
But now my business is in danger of going bankrupt, because no one will loan me $1,000,000 to pay my expenses. So I am on my way to Washington to ask for a bailout from Congress. I am sure they will give it to me because, after all, hotdogs are an American institution. Over two hundred million people eat hotdogs. What would happen if Americans could no longer buy hotdogs? Our economy would certainly collapse. Then there would be millions of hotdog venders out of work. We can’t let that happen.
I am not going to make the same mistakes the auto executives made when they went to Washington. Instead of taking a private jet, I have chartered a jet to save money. And I have also developed a plan on how I am going to spend the money they give me. Most of it will go to paying my salary and my kids’ wages. I was originally paying my kids $80 an hour, but I reduced it to $75. I can’t ask them to sacrifice any more. I am in the process of developing a one pound hotdog that I plan to sell for $50. This should increase my market share.
But my biggest problem is the foreign competition (at least it is foreign to me). They are selling smaller hotdogs for $2 each. They can afford to do this because they only pay their employees $10 an hour. My kids won’t work for $60 an hour, let alone $10. So I intend to convince Congress that the “fair” wage for selling hotdogs should be $75 an hour. This will force my competitors to raise their wages to make me more competitive.
Bankruptcy is not an option. Who would want to buy a $100 hotdog from a company in bankruptcy? The million dollars should last me until the economy gets better and I can then sell my company. Then I can collect on the Golden Parachute that I gave myself when I set up the company.

License to Drill

Before anyone gets too excited about off shore drilling or drilling in ANWAR, they should probably take a look at ExxonMobil's 2007 Proxy Statement. In their proxy statement, ExxonMobil lays out their long-term business outlook (to 2030). They state that their investment decisions are based on this long-term plan, "using a disciplined approach in selecting and pursuing the most attractive investment opportunities". In other words, they will invest their money where they will get the biggest return. Very sound business approach. ExxonMobil also lays out various assumptions used in their plan, the two most significant ones being that oil, gas, and coal will remain the most predominant energy sources with approximately 80% share of total energy, and that renewable energy sources (wind, solar and biofuels) will be only 2% of world energy, despite growing at 9% a year.
As for ExxonMobil's long-term plan, they expect a shift in the geographic mix of its production volumes between now and 2012, based on current and future development projects. Oil and natural gas output from West Africa, the Caspian, the Middle East and Russia is expected to increase from 38% of total production to 50%. The remainder of the production, which includes Europe, North America and Asia Pacific, will fall from 62% to 50%. Clearly, ExxonMobil plans to invest their record profits in West Africa, the Caspian, the Middle East, and Russia. Why? Because they make more money on their investment in those areas. One of the more interesting schedules in ExxonMobil's proxy statement is one showing the return on average capital employed for the business segments (Upstream - development and exploration, Downstream - refining and marketing, and Chemicals). This schedule tells us that ExxonMobil's return on average capital employed in the United States for upstream operations was 34.7% in 2007, while the return was 43.7% in the rest of the world. This would seem to support Big Oil's contention that drilling for oil in the United States is more expensive than other places in the world. But a far more telling figure is ExxonMobil's return on downstream operations (sales of refined gas and natural gas). In the U.S., the return is 65.1% versus 28.7% for the rest of the world. Now we know why we are dependent on foreign oil and always will be. The most profitable business model for ExxonMobil (and probably every other oil company) is to drill for oil outside the United States and sell the gas to the United States. Big Oil is just doing what any business should be doing - maximizing returns for their shareholders.
The question I have for Congress and anyone else advocating opening up ANWAR and the coastal waters to Big Oil is "What, in God's name, makes you think Big Oil has any intention of actually drilling in these areas?" Their ONLY interest is obtaining the drilling rights so that they can keep anyone else from drilling there. This is the reason they have not done any drilling on the 68 million acres of leases they already have. If Congress (and anyone running for president) expects to actually get oil out these areas, they need to lease the land to a company that is dedicated solely to drilling in the United States.

With apologies to Bob Dylan:

Now, there's a woman on my block,
She just sits there as the night grows still.
She says who gonna take away his license to drill?

If You Want My Vote

I love it. John McCain complains about all the attention that Barack Obama gets from the press, yet when he does get a little PT (Press Time), all he does is talk about what Senator Obama will do if Obama is elected President. I have a little advice for Mr. McCain. If you expect to get this Independent’s vote, start telling me not only what you will do if elected, but how you plan to do it. I am dying to know how you plan on balancing the budget, now that Mr. Bush will be leaving you a half a trillion dollar deficit for 2009. How is drilling for oil in ANWAR and offshore going to produce one additional gallon of gasoline during your administration? How is maintaining Bush’s tax cuts going to stimulate our sick economy? Are Bill Gates and Warren Buffet going to start shopping at Wal-Mart to create a trickle down economy? Now that the surge is a success, does that mean we have won the war in Iraq? If not, how will we know when we have won the war? When you tell us we’ve won? You told us you know how to win wars. What wars have you won?
If Senator McCain expects to become President McCain, he needs to give the American people a reason to vote for him, not reasons to vote against Obama. After all, if he is elected, he won’t have Obama to blame for the high gas prices anymore.

Gun-free Zones

Recently, a columnist in the local paper wrote about "gun-free" zones and blaming the eight deaths at an Omaha shopping mall on the fact that it was a "gun-free" zone. His argument was that since nobody was allowed to carry a gun in the mall, there was no one to shoot back at the gunman.This was the real reason that eight people died. I'm not sure I agree with his reasoning. But the one question I would have is "What would be the reaction if I walked into the the newspaper's offices with a gun?" Would I be met by a bunch of employees with guns? Would I be asked to leave? Would somebody call the police? Or would I be calmly received as a citizen exercising my right to bear arms? I would be very curious to find out what the newspaper's policy is on customers walking into their offices carrying guns. I would also be curious to know if the columnist personally keeps a gun at work. Is the newspaper's offices a "gun-free"zone or not?
His argument about "gun-free" zones is tantamount to driving on the freeway. The sign says the speed limit is 65 so I follow the rules. Along comes someone driving 80 miles an hour. Now my life is in danger because this idiot does not want to follow the rules. So to protect myself, I speed up to 80. Now there are two idiots driving 80, endangering even more people. Pretty soon, everyone is driving 80 just to protect themselves. Now everyone driving on the freeway is an idiot. But they all feel safer. Personally, I would stop driving the freeway, just like I would stop going to public places if everyone was carrying a gun. Not everyone can handle driving 80 and not everyone can handle a gun responsibly. Sooner or later, there is going to be a big pile up on the freeway, just like sooner or later there is going to be a pile of bodies at the mall.
If you really want to stop all the shootings in public places, try banning 24/7 news organizations. The instant world wide celebrity these organizations provide would encourage even me to to "go out in a blaze." But then that would be giving up a freedom, just like banning guns would be giving up one of our freedoms. It seems like the only freedom Americans don't have is the freedom from living in fear.